He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am midnight drunk by noon
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
