sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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