I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
