i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
