now i know why i became what i already was.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
