I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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