do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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