just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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