Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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