my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the day after is always just damage control
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My vagina is officially offended.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
