i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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