i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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