Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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