You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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