Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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