she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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