I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
