my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
