What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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