Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
