well I can't set my house on fire every night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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