i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
