I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He shit in the fireplace
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
