we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
