nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize