dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
