I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You smell like a Billy Joel song
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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