Just fell off a train. Bad.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
is it fun? or sober?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
