we have officially lost it.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize