so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
