Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
