at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
