Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
