What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
