i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
