i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
