i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
