Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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