dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
