My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
