we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
