He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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