i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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