just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize