it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
