I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
