how can u be prego again
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize