I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
