I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
