I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
