well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
