oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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