So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
