I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
