She is in my trunk
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
