I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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