How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
