I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
