my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
