I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
