The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
did you just send me my own nude
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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