i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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