Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
