is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize