16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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