I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
