Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
