I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
