I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
