So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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