He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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