I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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