i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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