She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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