UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
