the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
