I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
