Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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