that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
